A

 where are you now,

your heads on tight, and is your hearts in place?

is all your truths in line with the streaks on the pavement,

did you have it all figured out before you slipped onto that dancefloor,

have you reached beyond what you can take control of,

and saw that you were higher than my perception of you,

you're not cruel,

you're descending into this heartfelt rant,

without a response, and every thought of you

shaking the glass in and out of focus.

 

 

 

 

It only gets easier

 constantly telling myself that i can believe in it,

the revised vision over and over again,

battling my own worst critic,

myself against myself.

 however, these conversations,

these writings,

spill some comfort and the truth of the matter,

i am slowly deteriorating if i don't try hard to make myself happy,

if i don't understand how difficult it can be,

i won't understand that i need to take the time to heal,

and believe in the idea of moving forward.

 the first step is always the hardest,

yet it gets easier.

 

Coming To My Senses

I won't stress enough the feeling behind this pandemic.
It's followed by many other entities inside my head.
I surrender to it multiple times a day,
and as soon as I can get my hand on a drink,
I don't hesitate.
It filters so much of my clear vision into a place I'd rather find solace in.
Pure escapism.
But I can't resist my own battling mind. My own self-made cancer.
Instead, It's truth and accountability in terms that only belong to myself.
I must dismantle my infrastructure, without any mercy of burning any walls.
I must surrender once again. 

clearheaded

heard a knock on the other side,
you kept yourself in.
you discovered how to live,
i couldn't feel real without someone like you.
i gave you an ugly painting and hung myself with it.
I tried to describe the sensation behind it, but I couldn't search hard enough,
until you left.

Real pain,
intertwined with impure
dispositions.
c l e a r l y falling into,
wrong timing.

so you kept yourself in,
you kept listening,
and i kept disappearing from within,
vanished as soon as you did,
yet my words,
heavier than the temperature of my cold heart.

you can't have it

you can't
have it
you can't
own it
you are there
or you are

I've given much thought to the idea of death. and it's inside myself more than life itself. and i can only hear myself.

Here i am again.