never live.

never die.

today, yesterday, right now, i'm feeling a little more content in that i'll be a good lonewolf for a good long time. yeah, i'm pretty much bummed about shit right now and i don't care about my mind right now. i'm letting it defuse. with my insight as my spark. say it once or twice more. i have no idea how i'm feeling. i'm not enjoying it. i'm not satisfied. i'm not happy. i'm just..where i was when i started. it's like playing through a game and the checkpoint is, like, hella far. and shit, it's like you die hella far, but not far enough. then you realize how far you've gotten after you ended up back at where you started..no i don't exactly feel like that. because i've passed the checkpoint. i've surrendered plenty of times and i ain't giving a shit on what i want to do now. well, i'm not planning to fuck the world anytime..ever. i just ain't caring for my emotions.

first things first,

i can't think straight.
prozac.
lexapro.
vicodin.
zoloft.
sleep..no, not sleep.

smoke my brains out with the barrel though my lungs.