happy.

gotchu.

hiden in fact.

i'm describing each feeling in each every step i try to take. it's not the reason why i failed, but how i did. it hurts enough to know that the everything that haunted you to today. is still going to haunt you, 10 fold tomorrow. at work. at home. in your sleep. in the dark. in the light of day. good mourning.

believe me God, everyone's human, you made us like this. i'm like this, and you had faith in me. but why was i so stubborn to deny her love. "we'd be happy if you stop doubting that i love you."

a great big old kick in the groin. again 10fold. the scars aren't enough to follow these paths correctly. the vision of my self in that reflection hurts enough. i am confident in myself.

simply. just because we weren't supposed to be. i didn't know if you wanted to be. and you did.

and i did.

but i had to be reassured. but i had to be fucking reassured. i can't even comprehend how stupid i was. how i bet myself up every minute thinking how stupid i was. how trying to bring up my willingness and determination isn't going to cut it out..one..more..time.

no josh.

please no.

shaking as i am, i can't help but to leave it alone.

i can't completely shut her out, unless she completely shuts..me..out.

i don't want to say what i can't do, because it's only going to make things worse. i can't make this any harder for the world to understand because it's only simple as it goes..like this.

can you take me back to person i used to be.

back when i was me and you were you. but you were you.

and i was stupid enough to sink not fly. and to deny not fly. and to die. not fly.

i wanted to feel pain and i did. i did, ss. you were there. i was stupid. i was there for myself, but never meeting anything like, like. you. i didn't realize how special it was. no, i didn't realize it too late.

i was so used to the wrong way. the right way was so foreign.

my purpose is still through you.

i don't know how long i can rant on and on. and you know i can talk for hours.


fuck it.


you're happy.

good.

end.